A Landscape Without Gravity

Learning about grief is something we wish we didn't have to do, but the reality is we need to understand. They say all the first's are the most difficult. Our family had no time to wait for the first's they came within two months of loosing our precious angels.We have survived Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, the 4th wedding anniversary, and the due date of our grandson. All in this very brief window of time. Perhaps that is why we are looking at a landscape without gravity. There are no maps to guide us through this fresh grief. Others try and help by sharing their journey, each one different. They show us it is possible to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
Some important facts about this unknown journey: There will be sudden" grief attacks", in the beginning we are the most confused and least interested in the things we used to care about. We must decide how to get through each new day. Some days getting out of bed may take all the energy we have. Trips to everyday places like the grocery store feel like climbing a mountain.Just seeing Nicole's favorite foods can make you cry in the isle.That is what a "grief attack" is, it is sudden and unexpected and those around you don't know what to do. We build a shelter around us, try and hide the pain for a time when we are home and alone and the flood gates can open. Letting it out, talking it through is essential.
Expect exhaustion and disruption: It is difficult to sleep, changes occur in appetite and blood pressure, tense muscles, and a weakened immune system are all symptoms we have. It's important to tell your doctor about your loss, you are in no state of mind to care for yourself.
When returning to work you may feel vulnerable, less confident in your abilities, less able to concentrate, distracted by memories and flooded with emotions that disrupt thinking. For some, work or school become a good distraction and allows you to take your mind off the grief for a while.Each of us individual and doing what works for us. Grieving requires enormous energy, but pretending that you're not grieving requires even more.You have to go through the steps in your own time, but fully.

We cling to HOPE, our FAITH and our LOVE for each other, that is what sustains us. God is holding these fragile hearts and trying to help us mend. A good analogy is each day is like winding up a ball of string. You start with and end and wind and wind. Then the ball slips and rolls across the floor. Some of the work is undone,but not all. You pick it up and start over again, but never do you have to begin at the end of the string. The ball never completely unwinds; you've made some progress.That is how each day is for our family right now....the ball of string that we wind but continue to drop and wind again.