goodbye 2011

2011 was one of the hardest years of my life

I lost my daughter, my grandson, my dog and my grand puppy

to much for one heart to endure...but I have to put it behind me now.

For no other reason but we have no choice...we must move forward to 2012.

So I will again ask for prayers that we can focus on the joy's of 2011...the many gifts and blessings and pray for peace and good health for all those we love in the new year.

 2012...bring it on

My Loves, ringing in 2011

what a difference a year can make.....she was so happy

Thank you God for her life, for the wonderful times we shared, and the blessing to have memories that make us smile

Living with Hope

Hope is an image of goals

planted firmly in your mind.

When looking at life before you,

hope lines the paths you find.

Hope is a well of courage

nestled deep within your heart.

When faltering in fear and doubt,

hope pushes you to start.

Hope is an urge to keep going,

for limbs too tired and weak.

When apathy stills all desire,

hope sparks the fuel you seek.

Hope is a promise of patience

as you wait for distress to wane.

When all you can do is nothing,

hope pulls you through the pain.

Hope is a spirit that lifts you,

should heaviness pull at your soul.

When torn apart by losses,

hope mends to keep you whole.  

   

Clinging to Hope, Clinging to Faith, Clinging to Love

 

My Angel in Heaven

4 years ago we gave you a beautiful wedding

I will reminisce today of the ~Joy~ you gave us

The days that follow christmas

Who knew how difficult it would be? Surely not I, to live without one of the loves of your life seems next to impossible. Love and prayer is holding us up.

We have been without Nicole now for 3 months, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day...each one heartbreaking. She loved the holidays and for all of us it was unbearable to be without her. It's difficult to write with a broken heart, I will pray harder for peace, but nothing will make me stop missing her beautiful smile.

Christmas Day

Wishing you Christmas Peace and Joy

As you spend your day with family and friends don't forget your greatest gift is not under the tree

It's the birth of our savior and the promise of heaven.

Spending eternity with those we love is every reason in the world to live as Christ while we are here on earth.

*JESUS is God's greatest GIFT to us*

He gives us gifts everyday ...if we only take the time to see them...count your many blessings. As I reflect today and my heart is heavy....I will give thanks for my gift's in this life that can not be bought.My Faith,my cherished husband,my daughters,family and friends.That is what Christmas is all about. Yet we focus on the gifts we wrap..the things we want..the things we need.

Everything you need is in your heart, if only you let Christ dwell there.

My Gift's, My Blessings

 

Call Me Crazy

$80.00 Adoption Fee

$60.00 in Gas

3 Hours travel time

Seeing your daughter smile through her sadness

.......priceless

Miracles happen everyday....you just have to believe

PS

FYI The tree was decorated by Nicole's Godmother 65 red roses for Nicole and babies breath for Robert Louis 4 angel wings one for Nicole, Robert Louis, Tonka, and Brooklyn

HOW HAPPY IS MY BABY!
Thank you God for hearing her prayer

tuesday a dog story

This has been a very sad house as you all know.

In February due to cancer, we had to put down our 9 year old rottie shepard ...TONKA (truck)
He was a huge 113 lb mass of crazy. He didn't like everyone, but he loved the girls. A great protector, it was difficult to let him go.

notice the huge head and teeth

 what were we thinking?

 washing dishes?

                                        Massive head

They loved "TONKA THE TERRIBLE

Patriotic


The one eyed Bandit





We had Brooklyn to dog sit and visit, she was the opposite of Tonka...calm and gentle loved everyone

 After Nicole got sick, Brooklyn moved to our house for four months. We loved and cared for her...but watched her decline quickly which broke our hearts. Another decision had to be made to put Brooklyn down because of a brain tumor.....heartbroken we had to do it.

 The house became so quite, so sad without Brookie to care for.

 Tina was praying to Nicole everyday asking her to help her find a dog. On Monday crying at her desk at work she asked Nicole again...something told her to look on pet finder and she couldn't believe her eyes.

                                                                          

The Yonkers Shelter just took in a dog named BROOKLYN that looked like TONKA!

How did that happen? Nicole's divine intervention!!

  Well as much as I could have waited to have another furry friend, I saw my daughter's need to love a puppy....something to bring her some happiness...and down to Yonkers I went with my sister, guided by Nicole's driving force to get this dog for Tina's Christmas gift. We changed his name to MACK (truck) because he is a huge puppy!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TINA BELLA

Love you, Mommy

A dog that looks like Tonka named Brooklyn...how could we resist?

 We await the birth of Jesus

This week will be difficult without Nicole, this would be the week of Christmas baking and preparing for the Christmas Eve Feast of Fish her favorite day. Tina and I will do the best we can for the family...we know nothing will feel right, but the birth of Jesus will be our focus and celebration.

We will celebrate of Nicole's life and the traditions she loved.

 

Christmas Eve last year

The World's Sweetest Dog Is In Heaven with Her Mommy

Thank you Brooklyn for being the greatest companion, we will miss your furry kisses

You were our sweet baby girl, "grandma's favorite"

I love You
“Of all the animals,
surely the dog is the only one that really shares our life,
helps in our work, and has a place in our recreation.
It is the only one that becomes so fond of us that sometimes
it cannot go on living after its master dies”

 Wise words from a friend, that explain exactly how we feel right now

Right now think of your life like a puzzle. When you lost Nicole and Robert Louis your life (puzzle) got shaken up and all the pieces came apart. Now little by little you are trying to put those pieces back together. You find a few familiar pieces and put them together but still the puzzle is mostly apart.

 

 Some days you probably don’t even want to try to put any together. That is ok too because the pieces are still there, when you are ready you will find more pieces. You may have days you find a piece you weren’t looking for, or maybe others even help you find some. It’s going to take a while before you have enough pieces to even recognize the “picture” in your puzzle. But some day you will have enough of those “puzzle pieces”, you will recognize the picture again. Even if it doesn’t look quite the same-some pieces will be missing. 
We Are Trying

wednesday

We have sad news....we as a family have decided to let Brooklyn leave this earth for Heaven. She has been suffering since Nicole went into the hospital and getting worse everyday. This is just another heartache we must endure.

Please say extra prayers for us as we let her go and try to move on without the last attachment to our Nicole

                                                     Heaven waits for Brooklyn Thursday

Tuesday Night

I have been unable to write for the last few days, my emotions have gotten the better of me ...for many reasons.

The season of Christmas was always a special time in our house, many preparations for traditions we have created over the years with the girls. It has been heartbreaking to do anything without Nicole and Tina's input. We are trying the best we can.

Lou and Nicole on Christmas Eve Morning

                                                                                                    Floured faces baking

Baking Gingerbread
Cookies

 Sunday we went to our friends house for dinner, it started out with tears. We were in an environment that was always comfortable, to feeling somewhat awkward.But after a while we did enjoy ourselves surrounded by people who love us, our friends, Msgr. Priests,and Sisters from our Parish.In the end it turned out to be a very nice evening. I want to be happy.God has given us so much, some day's I can do it, but most days its overwhelming sadness

 My Beautiful TINA

 Bella is what I love to call her

 Thank you God for Tina...my saving grace. She is and has always been the shining light in this family. For her I will try extra hard, for her I will give more than usual.She is what I'm living for. Please continue to pray for our family...help us get through Christmas and New Years. God Bless You.

Wed

I have decided that if I could get through the morning...the night...and the weekends...I might be ok.

Those are the times when it hurts the most.

During the day I have been trying to work, keep distracted and busy.

I have also had a difficult time just going anywhere, running into people who are wishing me a 

Merry Christmas or haven't heard and I need to repeat "Nicole and my grandson passed away".....those words do not come out of your mouth easily, it sounds as if your are speaking about someone else. I'm sure it's that we are still in shock and numb, and again the world is moving forward and we are on this conveyer belt just passing through, not wanting to do anything but think about her.

I now understand better why people are upset and sad around the holidays when loved ones are gone.

putting up Christmas lights on the roof

It magnifies everything. Could you imagine how we feel being so distraught, and seeing everyone else happy and planning for festivities...we don't belong...we don't want to belong...we just want to crawl up in a ball and shut out the world.So how do we get through this next hurdle, besides just waiting for the calendar to change? 

 The only thing we can do is hold on to the wonderful memories of all our Christmas's shared.

 Nicole last Christmas decorating her tree

We will focus on the real spirit of  season...Jesus' birth. That is what we are celebrating. We will celebrate Nicole and Robert Louis as well...there spirit is alive in our house and so we continue to cherish that.

 

 This will be very difficult for all of us, but God's grace again is allowing us this super human strength to manage the tremendous loss of half our hearts.