Wed

I have decided that if I could get through the morning...the night...and the weekends...I might be ok.

Those are the times when it hurts the most.

During the day I have been trying to work, keep distracted and busy.

I have also had a difficult time just going anywhere, running into people who are wishing me a 

Merry Christmas or haven't heard and I need to repeat "Nicole and my grandson passed away".....those words do not come out of your mouth easily, it sounds as if your are speaking about someone else. I'm sure it's that we are still in shock and numb, and again the world is moving forward and we are on this conveyer belt just passing through, not wanting to do anything but think about her.

I now understand better why people are upset and sad around the holidays when loved ones are gone.

putting up Christmas lights on the roof

It magnifies everything. Could you imagine how we feel being so distraught, and seeing everyone else happy and planning for festivities...we don't belong...we don't want to belong...we just want to crawl up in a ball and shut out the world.So how do we get through this next hurdle, besides just waiting for the calendar to change? 

 The only thing we can do is hold on to the wonderful memories of all our Christmas's shared.

 Nicole last Christmas decorating her tree

We will focus on the real spirit of  season...Jesus' birth. That is what we are celebrating. We will celebrate Nicole and Robert Louis as well...there spirit is alive in our house and so we continue to cherish that.

 

 This will be very difficult for all of us, but God's grace again is allowing us this super human strength to manage the tremendous loss of half our hearts.