It's October

How did that happen? How did a year pass and now life continues to move forward....Oh Nicole, we are still struggling every minute of every day. If not for our faith I don't know what we would do.

I knew how much I adored you, but I did not realize how much my life revolved around you,.... I know that sounds crazy to some, but when your child is sick....when your family understands that  Cystic Fibrosis is going to rob you of every thing "normal" you are consumed by it. You don't realize that your every breath is to save your child from this disease. Then it steals her away from you, your first, your soul, your grandson....you are left to say why? Why would this happen? How could this happen? We thought we did everything right. We spent day in and day out surrounded by your needs. Your sister gave you every second of her life to help make it easier, she made you laugh, she held you, she understood you, she protected you. You were the center of our world...and now we are left trying to figure out why?

I am crying, I can't seem to stop...the pain is excruciating, yet on the outside we appear  "normal". We are not "normal", parents don't bury their children. 

We are  trying to reconstruct our lives. Writing a new story. 

Imagine the life you think you have, you "planned it" you nurtured it...and one day it is ripped out from under you. 

You are left with EMPTINESS. 

GOD IS THE ONLY ANSWER HERE.

We are human, the human heart hurts...like no pain you can imagine. But the spiritual heart is where we turn. The heart that knows God, the heart that loves us, the heart of Christ that protects us when we suffer.

In all the agony we have felt, Jesus has held us, comforted us. That is the only reason we can live without Nicole. She was God's gift to us and anyone who knew her, that is the blessing. That is why we put aside our humanness and turn toward the God who gave us her life. 

Make no mistake

 God gave us Nicole to learn about life, about love,about sacrifice and about eternity with him.
 And so we say "Thank you God, for giving us the extreme example of life, of love, of sacrifice. Through you, we will survive this tragedy".

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