Tuesday, August 28, 2012

11 months

11 Months without you
 As the tide goes in and out so to do the emotions of our hearts.
 One moment we are smiling just thinking about you and the next we are crying because we miss you so much. Our love for the beach and the ocean hold a different meaning for us now...somehow, I think there is a message in the tides for us. To allow the emotions to come and go....to reflect and find peace in the waters that wash on the shore, just as the water of our tears fall on our cheeks. 
To love and trust in God, allowing his mercy to wash over us like the waves. 
 God's mercy is getting us through each day, every prayer lifts this family up to surrender to his will, trusting in his love,faith and hope that we will be together again.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


When a parent dies, you lose your past;
 when a child dies, you lose your future.
 A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. 
A husband who loses a wife is called a widower.
 A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. 
 ...there is no word for a parent who loses a child, 
that's how awful the loss is
                           Holding on so tight, miss you my love

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The Joy Fund Golf Outing



Yesterday was the first 
JOY FUND MEMORIAL GOLF OUTING
  
We all came together at West Point Golf Course, Joy Fund committee members,volunteers and 120 golfers. 

All focused on the same goal, raising money and awareness to cure Cystic Fibrosis.We were overwhelmed by the outpouring of kindness and generosity. The day was a great success, tears were in many eyes....Nicole would have loved to be involved in such an amazing day. From heaven she provided us with beautiful weather and touched the hearts of strangers who longed to know her. Her life and story told to many and so her legacy begins. We will continue to shine her light on this disease until a cure is found, so no other family has our pain. We are humbled by the donations of not only funds but the time given to help make this event a success. 
Our friends and families our new found supporters, we thank you from our heart and souls for all you did and will continue to do in our daughter's honor.
God Bless You and those you hold dear, and never forget 

"To Live for the moments that take your breathe away"


Setting up our registration table






Thank you Nicole for teaching us what is really important in this life

pictures from the event will be posted on the Joy Fund Website
www.thejoyfund.net




Saturday, July 28, 2012

10 months

10 Months Without your smile.I found some new pictures of you today....
it was more than any treasure


Yes, we have changed

Speaking to other parents on loosing a child, I felt it necessary to repeat the grieving parent.

Bereaved parents need to know that others may minimize or misunderstand their grief. Many don't understand the power, depth, intensity, or duration of parental grief. In some instances, bereaved parents are even ignored because some individuals are not able to deal with the tragedy. They find the thought of a child's death too hard, too Inexplicable, or too threatening. Many simply don't know what to say or do and so they don't say or do anything.

Life is forever changed for the grieving parents, some people walk away from the tragedy, and although it hurts, you can not waste the energy it takes to understand why this happens. 
The grieving parents need to focus all their strength on God's grace and comfort
This is an impossible task without the much needed prayer and devotion to your faith.

We can not understand why this happened but we continue to trust even though the pain is overwhelming. We know that God has our loved one under his protection and somehow we must find that peace.
Grief is a tidal wave that over takes you,
smashes down upon you with unimaginable force,
sweeps you up into its darkness,
where you tumble and crash with unidentifiable surfaces,
only to be thrown out on an unknown beach,
bruised, reshaped.... 
grief will make a new person out of you, 
if it doesn't kill you in the making.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

our sunshine

trying hard everyday
 
Summer was our favorite time...relaxing in the pool soaking up the sun.
Missing you everyday the sun shines


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

missing you

                         Every day And Every Night                         
When You Feel the Need
To Hold Me Tight
Just Blow a Kiss Into The Sky
For I Will Be That Close By
In the Heavens throughout the Day
I Watch Over You and Hear You Pray
I See You Smile and Shed A Tear
For You Know That I'm Still Near
I am The Angel Of Your Eye
Your Precious Angel In The Sky ♥
Miss you sweet angel

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Nine Months

Nine months without you my love
 Daddy and I cry all the time, sometimes it's because we miss you so much we can't take it, sometimes it's because we know you are with baby Robert and we cry happy tears, sometimes its because we see Tina struggling without half her heart, sometimes it's because we just  miss your laugh and beautiful smile. It doesn't really matter why we cry, we know your with us in our hearts and safe with Jesus in heaven.

Its just really hard to do anything without you.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

wed 6/27/12

This is my cousins response to yesterdays Blog, I wanted to share it because Nicole's message touched her heart and she did something about it. 
Hi Debbie,
I really am trying to change my life and live my dash without losing sight of Nicole and the beautiful Pisani family. Through every step of your pain you placed others before you. I remember the stories from the hospital where you prayed for the families of those you met. Amazing - maybe not for you but for those watching you.
                                                                                                                  
diaperbanknetwork.org
So, yesterday I picked up a magazine and there was a section regarding kind acts - one of the kind acts was
 joining a "diaper bank", as so many poor women can't afford diapers and food for their babies (and yes we are talking about America) my heart was heavy. So I went online and gave money to help these women. Now, while I was filling out the form I was able to dedicate it to someone and I selected Nicole as she was the Ultimate in motherhood.
Thank you for sharing, reminding and living  
"for the love of Nicole"
It really keeps me honest                                                                           
I love you 
M                                                                                         

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

God's Plan

God has a plan for each of us, we are always trying to control our  own life. If we are still and listen God speaks to our hearts...he made that heart to serve him. Stop trying to control the things in your life that you can't, stop trying to live as though God has no place there, instead try and let God show you  your life's purpose. Let him use the gift's he gave you to better the world, Nicole was a shinning example of God's love. Through her suffering she showed us her love and trust in the Lord. 
There were no questions for her about her life's purpose, and now from heaven she sees that we are letting her beautiful example continue to live in us. 
 
   Thank you Nicole for always teaching me, for helping me when I miss you more than words can ever explain. God has graced us with your life and I will  be forever grateful.
my precious angel

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

live a life that matters

Live a Life that Matters

Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected whether treasures or baubles, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.  It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.  So, too your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.  It won’t matter where you came from or on what side of the tracks you lived, in the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.  Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter?  How will the value of your days be measured?  

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built

not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance

 What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many people will feel a lasting loss, when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.   

What will matter is how you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.

 It’s not a matter of circumstance, but choice.

Nicole lived a life that mattered and she has left us here to change the world

Thursday, June 14, 2012

without you


When tomorrow starts without me,
and I’m not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn’t cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
          and each time that you think of me,
                                                                                       I know you’ll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,

and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I’d have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I’d always thought,
I didn’t want to die.
                                                                                                           
I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
just even for awhile,
I’d say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

Then I walked through heaven’s gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His  throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
and all I’ve promised you".
Today for life on earth is past,
but here it starts anew.
 
I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day’s the same day,
there’s no longing for the past.

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don’t think we’re far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I’m right here, in your heart.




Tuesday, June 5, 2012

"I love the reflections of you and your mom in the stone with Nicole. Some might say it's the reflection of the camera....we all know it is the love that forever binds you together."
 Daddy and I went to Cape May to get you sand and beach stones...knowing how much you love the beach we needed to do something different for you. No one else has a beach like you! We used shells from our trip with Nanny to Seaside and stones from sunset beach where they lower the flag in honor of soldiers every night.The craziest part is when we were sitting with you on Memorial Day and taking this picture, we had no idea our reflection would be on it...just goes to show you how we will Never be separated my love.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

WALKING FOR NIKI
 is today 
Our Hearts Heavy
It broke our hearts to lose you
You did not go alone
for part of us went with you,
the day God called you home

You left us beautiful memories,
your love is still our guide
and though we cannot see you,
you are always at our side
Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again

Thanks to all who donated to support this cause, thanks for the prayers to support our hearts



Friday, June 1, 2012

My mom is a survivor,
Or so I have heard it said.
                                      But I can hear her crying
                                    When all others are in bed.

I watch her lay awake at night
And go to hold her hand.
She doesn’t know I’m with her
To help her understand.

But like the sands upon the beach
That never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
Who thinks of me each day.
 
She wares a smile for others...
A smile of disguise.
But through heaven’s open door
I see tears flowing from her eyes

My mom tries to cope with my death
To keep my memory alive.
But to anyone who knows her
Knows it’s her only way to survive.

As I watch over my surviving mom
Through heaven’s open door...
I try to tell her
Angels protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn’t help her...
Or ease the burden she bears.

For no matter what she says...
No matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart
That time won’t ever heal.
 
This is the time we trust in God and know his love is real.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Our Transformed Angel

    "In the bottom of an old pond lived some grubs who could not understand why none of their group ever came back after crawling up the lily stems to the top of the water. 
They promised each other that the next one who was called to make the upward climb would return and tell what had happened to them. 
Soon one of them felt an urgent impulse to seek the surface; she rested herself on the top of a lily pad and went through a glorious transformation which made her a dragonfly with beautiful wings.
 In vain she tried to keep her promise. Flying back and forth over the pond, she peered down at her family below. Then she realized that even if they could see her, they would not recognize such a radiant creature as one of their number.                                    
 The fact that we cannot see our loved ones or communicate with them after the transformation which we call death, is no proof that they cease to exist."
 In heaven Nicole is radiant, beautiful, healed of all illness....she is to beautiful to exist in this world.
 
 
 You are my heart my Angel in Heaven and Tina is my Angel on earth
 
 

Monday, May 28, 2012

8 months


 Our Beautiful Nicole, Eight months have passed without your precious smile,those Bambi eyes and contagious laugh. Everyday is a struggle, everyday "grief attacks" come without warning.
Not a minute passes that you are not on our minds, and always in our hearts. Our only comfort is knowing you are an angel with God in heaven.
Some days Nicole, even that is not enough for our broken hearts...we will be together again and we hold on to...

 FAITH ~ HOPE~ LOVE

the greatest of these is LOVE
Our tears flow like a river with the Love and Joy you gave us




Saturday, May 26, 2012

The Cystic Fibrosis Great Strides Walk

 Blow Away Cystic Fibrosis
 
please donate 


Next weekend June 3, 2012 is the Great Strides Walk
  It is held at Bowdoin Park in Pougkeepsie NY. Registration is at 10 am.

 Please join the efforts of thousands to help rid this world of the disease that robbed my daughter of her future.
For over 10 years we have been
 "WALKING FOR NIKI"

Cystic fibrosis is an inherited chronic disease that affects the lungs and digestive system of about 30,000 children and adults in the United States.
 A defective gene and its protein product cause the body to produce unusually thick, sticky mucus that: 
  • clogs the lungs and leads to life-threatening lung infections; 
  • and obstructs the pancreas and stops natural enzymes from helping the body break down and absorb food.
In the 1950s, few children with cystic fibrosis lived to attend elementary school. Today, advances in research and medical treatments have further enhanced and extended life for children and adults with CF. Many people with the disease can now expect to live into their 30s, 40s and beyond. 
 Nicole (27) over the years saw many advancements in treatments to help her manage this disease from the funding for research.She participated in many blind test studies to help in the advancement of treatments. Over the years there have been new drugs to help fight infection,mucus thinners, better digestive aides that all added to the quality of her life.
This is all good, but it's not enough... we need to find the cure! 
Science is so close,please help to fund the research. 


This year as always,we will continue to fight for other families so they never have to loose this battle.

Memorial Day




Don't forget to Thank those who serve to protect our freedom

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Your 1st Mother's Day

 
My Precious Daughter, Happy 1st Mother's Day in Heaven
Our "JOY" was in your smile

This is how I picture you in heaven, only I know how wonderful that feels after holding and caring for you, my baby. Kiss that baby boy for us, he is the reason I can't kiss you. I knew when he called you, you would go. My Mother's heart would pull me to your heart, if God gave me that chance too.
I Cherish You

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Mother's Day

This is a difficult week for me...to be perfectly honest. Every where you look there is some reminder of Mother's day. TV commercials, store flyers, restaurants and more. Each reminding us of the mother we love and to honor her this special day. For some this will be a day of pampering, jewelry made from macaroni, treats from experiments in the kitchen, or flowers and candy. All special, all from the heart.

This would have been my first Mother's day honoring Nicole as a mother and my first Mother's Day as "Nonna", Tina's first Godmother's day. It is heart breaking to not be able to share this day with her. 

I know she would have been beaming and we would have spoiled her! Since we can't spoil her from earth we will look to heaven and pray for beams of sun to warm our faces as she warmed our hearts. We will pray for her peace in heaven with her son.

I will cling to the beautiful memories Nicole, Tina and I shared over these last twenty six years. Each one precious, just like them.
 I have been so blessed, for me...it was mother's day everyday.
 I look at my daughters as my greatest gifts. I cherish the memories of everyday spent with them. 

God Bless all Mother's this weekend....this is God's great gift to you, never take for granted one second of their precious life. We have been given a privilege to have them at all.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

SPEECHLESS
Parents should never have to do this.....tonight reality hit hard.
 God please help us

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

 NICOLE HAS LEFT FOOTPRINT'S ON OUR HEARTS
 

 Tears are God’s gift to us.  Our holy water.  They heal us as they flow

  Today I saw the rain, it always reminds me of the tears that we shed. Many have fallen over the last 7 months... 
missing your child is like nothing you can imagine

There are moments when the grief seems to much to bare. 
You reflect on every minute of your child's life, what you put into it and how beautiful it was. Pictures take you back to a place where you'd like to remain ....and then life's purpose becomes clear.You reflect on this precious life and you wonder....what is his life plan for me? 
Being Nicole and Tina's mother is my greatest JOY and gift from God. 
He trusted me to care for them and to make his message clear.
If we remember that our children belong to him, then we know to him they must return. 

Our human heart must cry, but our faithful heart must trust.

 Always looking up to the Lord with thanks and praise for the gifts he has given us....this is where the heart must go.