Nicole's Dog

Yesterday Brooklyn went to the vet to have a tap of her spinal fluid. She has a mass at the base of her brain, She was ok a few months ago, but has been getting worse. She can't go up and down stairs, she can hardly stand up and when we get her up she is wobbly and disoriented. It is heartbreaking to see her going down hill besides the fact that she misses her mommy. We will have the test results Monday or Tuesday...please say a little prayer she can be treated and cured. Tina and Rob will do anything to save Nicole's dog.

Wednesday night

Today I went in to work, it was difficult to be in a place that used to be so comfortable and now felt so foreign.
People you have known for a long time don't know what to say...I imagine it is difficult to find words, because there are no real words to comfort a heart this broken. You try and do your work and for a few moments things seem "normal" and then one of your favorite people walk in and you are crying and aching all over again. It will be like this for a long time I'm afraid...so what are we to do? How do we move forward when we choose not to. We pray for God's strength, that is the strength to over come all things.I will have to pray harder for this grace as my tolerance for petty things is gone. I can't and won't put up with the nuances of life that are trivial.  A loss of this magnitude has you looking at the world in a different way. These ears hear the ridiculous complaints that people find important and all you can think is "really?" are you serious, you are complaining about such nonsense and you have no clue to what is really important in life. I'm totally guilty of feeling this way before, but now it gets under my skin even more. I will try and lead by example to show the people around me to seek a different way of thinking. We all need to look deeper into the meaning of this life God has given us. So much is taken for granted. Every word we say to each other can have either a positive or negative impact. You can not retract hurtful words therefore why speak them. My father used to say "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" it has always remained with me and I lesson I'm glad I learned.
In the 24 hours of each day we have we can change a life by a kind word or gesture, we can all lead by example, turning your cheek. Forgiveness and kindness can go a long way. Look at the big picture instead of the incident...do you really need to make that point at the cost of hurting someones feelings. I have learned that sometimes the less said has the bigger impact. I struggled with that today because although the people I work with know my pain they are not living it... so its hard to see through my eyes. I will pray tonight like the children in my CCD class pray. With their whole heart, with innocence, gaining and seeking nothing for myself, but to be an example of God's love and mercy. Please try and make tomorrow a day you can be proud of, a day built around service of the human heart. Sleep well knowing God is right there.

 

I love and miss you my angel

I will continue to get your message to the world, one heart at a time, thank you for all the gifts you bring me.

Last night I was re-reading some of my e-mails and this line was worth repeating:

Let Nicole's life reshape yours. Live for the moments that take your breath away. Live to be a better person, live for God's plan, not yours.
If your faith started, nurture it: if your faith was formed, increase it :if you are seeking, seek God, in all things love with all your heart. 

I found this to be appropriate after finding out who made the beautiful cross. This young man who we love, showed a profound leap of love and faith in placing that cross on Nicole's grave. He didn't announce it, he didn't seek recognition, it was a pure act of love for her...for us.

Those are the moments that take your breath away. 

We thank you from the bottom of our hearts, you will never know how much that means to us.
God Bless you always.

monday

We went to the cemetery Sunday and found this beautiful cross placed at Nicole's grave. We have no idea who left it. It is so special....it looks beautiful...we just want to say thank you.This was obviously made with love for our daughter, and although we don't know by who we hope you will tell us so we can thank you and tell you how much it means to see such love for our angel. God Bless You!
And if we never find out... She knows and God knows and that's all that really matters....isn't it

11/11/11 Tonka's Birthday

Nicole & Tonka are in Heaven together

Napping in our house is always welcome : ) Rob Nicole Tonka & Brooklyn

 

NICOLE LOVED HER DOGS

The last few days have been busy with Brooklyn...she had the MRI done and they found a mass at the base of her neck. This is why she is so wobbly and cant get up and down the stairs. We are waiting for the Dr.s to consult before we make any decisions on what to do. It is another heartache that we don't need right now. But after much talking we all agree this was Nicole's dog, her companion and we will try and save her at all cost. Maybe that sounds crazy to some people, but as you can see in the pictures, we really love our dogs like they are a part of the family. Nicole and Brooklyn were together all day, they were nap buddies : ) she protected Nicole while Rob worked, she kept her company when she was alone, she is the biggest mush ever and we can't loose her right now. Rob said to me "Ma how much more can we take?" well, as much as God will allow, we both agreed we feel chosen by him to be the example of our strong faith and trust in his plan. Maybe Nicole wants her dog and is calling her to herself...if that's so then we will have to be accepting, even though it will hurt. What ever happens in this life, we must be accepting, we can't allow anger to get in the way of our love for each other. Over the last few days I have learned more than I thought I ever could because Nicole was so near to me. Even from heaven she is teaching me...I love and miss her so much I wonder if my heart will ever stop hurting. I do talk to her everyday to keep her with me, I asked her how to handle things and in her quiet way she leads me to the voice of God. The answers are always clear and I feel good about that. It brings comfort to know that a spirit not of this earth {our Angel} can be so connected to us that God permits her presence for the comfort of our souls. Thank you Nicole

11/11/11

11/11/11

Happy Veteran's Day

Thank you Robert, for your service and to all Veteran's, service men and woman that keep our country safe.

*ROB,YOU ARE OUR FAVORITE SOLIDER*

Mom Dad Tina Tom & Nanny Rose

Thursday

Nicole and her Brooklyn

WE LOVE OUR DOGS!!

Today Nicole's dog "Brooklyn" is going for an MRI to see if she has a brain tumor please pray to St. Francis that she has something minor. This was Nicole's baby girl and companion, she needs to be ok

Wednesday night

The last few days our family has been talking about our yearly St Marten trip, taken every year for our March birthdays Lou 3/3 Niki 3/6 Tina 3/11 and mine 3/23 . This photo is Nicole there this past March. It was the first time Rob was with us and we all had such a great time. I really don't know how we are going to go back there without her. It was one of her favorite things to do...that huge smile comes out whenever she sees sunshine and sand : ) she is my daughter after all....we would live on the beach. Part of me wants to go for her but most of me can't bear to be there without her, for me no tickets bought yet....way to soon for me to make that a reality. I love and miss you my angel so much, stay close to me.

From my cousin

This is the song I heard last night.  I googled the words because I didn't know them.

When I read them it made me think of Nicole joining Robert Louis in heaven.

 This song is from Celine Dion....she lost a niece to Cystic Fibrosis her song FLY is for her niece, but this one I think was for Nicole : )

 

A new day has...come
 

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come     {the miracle of getting pregnant}
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear

Through the darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all  {LOVE}
But I was waiting for you    {waiting for her angel}

Hush, love

I see a light in the sky  {God's Grace}
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love   {Robert Louis}
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come

Where it was dark now there's light   {God's Love and Mercy}
Where there was pain now there's joy    {her child}
Where there was weakness, I found my strength   {FAITH}
All in the eyes of a boy  {Baby Robert Louis}

Hush, love
I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
A new day has...come

A new day has...come

Wednesday

Another day and night of many tears. You cannot control your emotions, although at times you move forward as if things are "normal", and out of no where, you are blind sided by this tremendous loss. You try and begin your day with new hope and somewhere it turns into overwhelming grief. You say and do things you don't mean, your heart aches so much that you don't want to breathe...prayer is the only thing that saves you. So pray is what I did, I continue to ask God to heal this heart, to make me accept as he made me accept 25 years ago the diagnosis of cystic fibrosis. He did not fail me then and I know he will not fail me now. I will place my trust and my heart in the hands I know can heal me. Today I will try a little harder to see the gifts over the grief. 
  Please my angel, stay with me today and through those eyes I love, show me how to live again.

              

Kristen's NYC marathon Sunday 11/6

Just a reminder tomorrow Kristen is running in the NYC Marathon in honor of Nicole please support her and pray for her, she is a special soul to us.

http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/kristenfertucci/2011ingnycmarathon

We are right there with you Kristen!
"I cannot tell you how honored I am to run on Sunday. This will be my 10th marathon, 3rd New York City, and I have never felt so emotional before a race as I do today. This run has so much meaning to me on so many different levels. Thank you for allowing me to run in Nicole's honor."

http://www.nycmarathon.org/ ... you can find everything you need to know at this site.

Our Angels

Wednesday 11/2

Yesterday was All Souls Day, a day we remember those who have left this earth.For us it was especially touching. We went to mass last night for the souls of deceased children. It was comforting and peaceful.
The names of  the deceased were read and Tina and Tom went up to light a candle on the Alter for Robert Louis and Lou and I went up and lit a candle for Nicole. The church was full of families who have lost their children...but all I could think of as I sat there was "no one in this church is feeling the pain of my family" maybe because its so new, maybe its because I can't believe that anyone was loved more than Nicole. Maybe it was because to me, to us, she was an angel possibly a Saint one day...I don't know. Perhaps it was just because I was so broken. But after a while of watching other family members walk up to lite their candle, I found myself wondering about their story and silently prayed for them as they returned to their seats with tears. We all have pain, it is immeasurable,  we all feel the sorrow of these losses in our lives, but as promised by God "he will wipe away every tear". The tears are flowing and he hears our cries, he also comforts us in the arms of our loved ones as we fall asleep...