Since it has been two months without Nicole it occurred to me that some people who follow this blog have never seen her obituary. I thought as heartbreaking as it is, I would post it. Below the obituary are some points we can all use in dealing with death and grief...I found them to be helpful.

                                                           http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xwzItqYmII
Nicole Joy Pisani Frame and Robert Louis Frame

FORT MONTGOMERY - Nicole Joy Pisani Frame, 27, died on Wednesday, September 28, 2011 at Westchester Medical Center surrounded by her family. She was called to Heaven to be with her son, Robert Louis Frame, who died in the womb and became an angel on September 19, 2011. For 21 days, Nicole fought for her life and the life of her unborn son as she unknowingly led people around the world on a spiritual journey of faith, hope and love as they prayed and hoped together for a miracle.

Born in Mount Kisco on March 6, 1984, Nicole was the loving daughter of Louis and Debbie Pucci Pisani. She graduated from John Jay High School in 2002 and attended Iona College and Seton Hall University.

Nicole courageously dealt with Cystic Fibrosis every day of her life. She, her family and her friends worked tirelessly to raise awareness and funds for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. She lived her life according to the CF quote "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

On July 28, 2006 in North Carolina, Nicole married the love of her life, SFC Robert W. Frame (US Army). Upon his return from his deployment to Iraq, Nicole and Robert were joined in Holy Matrimony at St. Columba Church on December 29, 2007. Earlier this year, Nicole was blessed with a miracle: her life-long dream to become a mother became a reality.

Nicole had Cystic Fibrosis, but it did not have her. She had a tremendous love for life, her family meant the world to her, her marriage was her joy, and her pregnancy was the gift she wanted to give all of us, but most importantly to her husband. Through her suffering these last days, she brought the world together in prayer and united us all as one family in Christ.

Nicole is survived by her husband, Robert; her parents, Lou and Debbie Pisani of Hopewell Junction; her sister, Tina Pisani of Hopewell Junction; her grandparents, Joseph R. Pisani of West Park and Rose Pucci of Hopewell Junction; her mother and father-in-law, Walter and Kathleen Frame of Albertson; her sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law, Meghan and Kevin McKenna of Wappingers Falls and Michael and Melissa Frame of Freeport; her niece, Erin McKenna; her nephew, John "Jack" Michael McKenna; and many aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. She was predeceased by her grandmother, Joan L. Pisani and her grandfather, Albert V. Pucci.

In lieu of flowers, the family would greatly appreciate that memorial donations be made to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, 2975 Westchester Avenue, Suite 204, Purchase, NY 10577 so that CF will no longer stand for Cystic Fibrosis, but for Cure Found.
www.mchoulfuneralhome.com.




Listen with your heart.
Helping begins with your ability to be an active listener. Your physical presence and desire to listen without judging are critical helping tools. Don't worry so much about what you will say. Just concentrate on listening to the words that are being shared with you.
Your friend may relate the same story about the death over and over again. Listen attentively each time. Realize this repetition is part of your friend's healing process. Simply listen and understand.

Be compassionate.
Give your friend permission to express his or her feelings without fear of criticism. Learn from your friend; don't instruct or set expectations about how he or she should respond. Never say, "I know just how you feel." You don't. Think about your helper role as someone who "walks with," not "behind" or "in front of" the one who is mourning. Allow your friend to experience all the hurt, sorrow and pain that he or she is feeling at the time. Enter into your friend's feelings, but never try to take them away. And recognize that tears are a natural and appropriate expression of the pain associated with the death.
Avoid clichés.
Words, particularly clichés, can be extremely painful for a grieving friend. Clichés are trite comments often intended to diminish the loss by providing simple solutions to difficult realities. Comments like, "You are holding up so well," "Time heals all wounds," "Think of all you still have to be thankful for" or "Just be happy that he's out of his pain" are not constructive. Instead, they hurt and make a friend's journey through grief more difficult.
Understand the uniqueness of grief.
Keep in mind that your friend's grief is unique. No one will respond to the death of someone loved in exactly the same way. While it may be possible to talk about similar phases shared by grieving people, everyone is different and shaped by experiences in their own unique lives.
Because the grief experience is also unique, be patient. The process of grief takes a long time, so allow your friend to proceed at his or her own pace. Don't force your own timetable for healing. Don't criticize what you believe is inappropriate behavior. And while you should create opportunities for personal interaction, don't force the situation if your grieving friend resists.
Offer practical help.


response to a blog: 
I just read your latest blog post and the tools for helping others cope with grief.  As you know, grief is a very personal journey for each person and anyone who grieves does so from their own perspective.  My only frame of reference for significant loss is the loss of my father and my in-laws.  The points you posted are right on target.  I remain amazed by the faith of your family.  Your decision to grieve publicly, as difficult as it is, is helping many people see what true faith is all about.  I see your family as one who is facing a harsh reality head on, is not in denial, and in their humanness is showing world that they are trusting in the Lord to carry them through.  Anyone who knows you would take this pain away from you if it was possible.  I pray for you and your family every day.  I ask the Lord to provide you peace and comfort and to heal your hearts. 

Keep on keepin’ on.  The prayers will continue.