These last few days have been heart breaking, I thought I was in the worst possible place the 21 days I stood at Nicole's bedside...and then I thought I would give anything to be in that hospital again. But that would mean more suffering for Nicole and I would much rather I suffer than her. So I have to go back to my eyes of faith hope and love. The very virtues I learned over the last 27 years from Nicole and her struggle to live. As a mother, the pain is so great, even though my belief in her resting in God's arms should be enough I can not deny my humanness. A mother loves and protects her child from the first moment she knows she is caring a life. Just as Nicole did for baby Robert Louis. It is also very difficult for me to watch all my loved ones crying tears of the pain they carry. For Nicole and also for all of us. Our pain is the same, but the difference for me is, I have carried this pain in the deepest part of my heart for 27 years. I always new this day might come and you have no idea how hard it is to live with that thought. But as I have said many times, from the beginning of her life, I knew she was exceptional. I knew she was an ANGEL. Not because she was my child, not because of her disease, but because Nicole was the quietest, most humble being I ever encountered.
Never self seeking,never complaining...just living her life with meaning and grace.Everyone she met and everyone who got to know her amazing soul was touched by this angel on earth. The proof is in her tragic suffering she brought the world to her knees. She received the message from God and as his faithful servant she delivered it. Make no mistake..if you received and e-mail from me, or you were copied from a friend or family member or you heard the words spoken about her... you were supposed to receive the message too. She had a mission while she was here to show the world God's Love and Mercy, his forgiveness and Hope.
Hope is what we cling to, for the next days will be hard. We again thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for the constant prayers lifting us up....impossible to do this without you. If you question anything I have said stop and feel the love that surrounds you, it is so powerful, a love only God the Father can give...it is what is surrounding my family right now, that is all of you.
May God continue to hold us in his embrace as we lay our daughter, your daughter in Christ to rest.
For with God all things are possible...Believe, and let us continue in Nicole's and baby Roberts name to change the world, one heart at a time.
Some responses to my e-mail:
You have no idea the enormity of the impact that Nicole is having on, not just my community alone, but every one who is on your mailing list. I have never seen anything like it. Her story is catching like wild fires prompting prayers from all kinds of people and from every religion. Nicole's suffering has definitely not been in vain. You and she have touched people, total strangers, in ways that I cannot explain to you and you will never really fully understand.
Everyone throws around words like love, hope, and faith but you have shown people the true meaning of those words. You have given people the opportunity to see these words put into action, something I am sure none of them have ever really seen until now. In situations like yours, God would be the first to be blamed; some may even begin to hate Him. Your faith stands strong as you believe in His plan no matter how painful it might be. Most humans are not capable of that kind of strength. I hope that you realize what a powerful lesson you are teaching many, many people. It's a rare gift in this day to see faith of that magnitude.
You have forced people to be thankful and grateful for everything they have. You've allowed everyone to see that much of what they spend their lives complaining about is simply insignificant. Total strangers admire you; people who have never met you are wishing they could be half the woman that you are. Nicole is being loved and prayed for by people who don't even know what she looks like. Tears fall from millions of eyes each night as they read your emails and thoughts of Nicole run through their minds all day. It's awe inspiring -you and Nicole are touching people in ways that I never dreamed I would see in the world we live in today. God is using both of you to show the world that He is there, He is real and He is listening and that if we seek Him out, He will be there for each one of us.
What a joy and honor it must be to be used by the Lord.
I love you and thank you both for the insight and lessons I have learned through the two of you at a time in my life when I truly needed them.
You are on my mind from sun-up to sun-own and all thru the night. Sending love and warm hugs to you as I head out to work. Nicole is everywhere you are. In the air you breathe, the October wind that blows...the leaves that fall. Love never ever dies. I am so sad and sorry...my heart is totally broken for YOU and Lou and Tina. Just want you to know all my thoughts are with you. I love you
I wish I knew what to say...a magic word. I know you need time, space and privacy but all I want to do is hug you and make everything better. I can't even begin to know what you are going through. I don't want to say the wrong thing but I want you to know that all of my energy, pray and love is with you and your family. If there is anything, I mean anything you need to make the next few days easier please let me know.
You are blessed to have God and your family so very close to you and your friends so very near.
With all my love
Dear Debbie,
As I sit here each day and read your emails my heart breaks for you and your family and for my nephew Robert. One of your emails you questioned why God chose you to be Nicole's mother and I know now that there was no better choice. You have given her a family that loves so much and the strength and support for her to have such a positive outlook on life. I've heard many times that we all have a purpose in life but some of us may never really know for sure what that was. Well Nicole has touched so many people by teaching us all about strength and hope and living life to the fullest. May she rest in peace in heaven with Robert Louis and know that her purpose was very well known and we are all better people for having known her. You are an amazing family and I hope you know how much you are in our hearts and minds at this time and for many years to come.
I was forwarded your email from Teresa and I feel the need to acknowledge. Debbie, you are a true inspiration to us all. I know I said it to you in a previous email but I truly admire the woman you are. I wish I had the privilege of meeting your angel Nicole but I feel as if I already know her. She sounds like she was a piece of heaven on earth and that is truly rare. God will give you and your family the strength you need to deal with Nicole s passing. We always have to remember she is where she was born to be, with our Lord in Heaven. You were so blessed to have her for 27 yrs but God must have wanted his angel back home. I will continue to pray for your family.
Dearest Debbie and Lou~
I have been following Nicole's 21 day journey in the hospital on Facebook (Nicole and I are FB friends) and Donna has also forwarded your e mails to me. The kids and I lit candles at mass every week for Nicole. I have kept her in my thoughts everyday and said my prayers for her each night. I will always remember Nicole and what she brought to my life over these past weeks. My prayers will always be with your family. God's healing and blessings on you all ♥
To beautiful Nicole................My heart is broken. I prayed and prayed for your healing but God had a different plan. I take refuge in knowing that you are with Him. I take refuge in knowing that there is no more pain and sadness............only life, happiness and love. You truly ARE and always will be an incredible, beautiful, unselfish woman.......inside and out. This is not goodbye..............it is just so long for now. Be at peace beautiful girl ♥
Debbie, your strength and deep faith has inspired me, you are an exceptional woman....mother. You have given Nicole a beautiful and loving life for 27 years. I am so sorry for the loss of Nicole and baby Robert. My love and prayers are with you.
"Being made right with God by His grace, we can have the hope of receiving the life that NEVER ends." Titus 3:7
Dear Debbie,
I am so sorry for the pain you and your family are in...Nicole was and is an angel and she received her wings also from YOU you are also an angel filled with so much love,the spirit of God is with you....You have touched my heart with your words... I already saw you teach the children from the bottom of your heart filled with the love of Jesus....but you also live your life filled with love always ready to help anyone who needs a hug or love....
I forwarded your letters to my friends and family to keep the prayers going...and yesterday i had lunch with my sister Joanne ..she said she was so moved by your letters she never heard any speak like you with so much love in your heart for the Lord during the hardest and most painful time in your life..We both agreed you are a special angel too...so strong and loving...I always talked to my sister about how special you are, now
she understands.. she also sends are deepest sympathy and will continue to pray for you and your family.
love you Debbie cannot wait to hug you.. Thank you for keeping us in your heart too.....
My precious friend, You are so right, Nicole was and is an angel. From the moment I saw her I knew it. So very special. But along with this was a special Mother, Father and Sister. You will never know how much I admire your grace, strength and love I have witnessed in the last 20 years. We were all touched by this special girl, not defined by her disease but by her inner soul.
I love you. I am with you forever.
To Nicole and Robert's family....Although we have not met, I feel you have come into my life for the last month that Nicole and your Angel grandchild Robert were here in this world. I know there is nothing I can do nor say to easy your unimaginable grief and pain in losing both of them now. I am speechless. If it is ever any consolation to you, I would like to express how your willingness to share your letters with all of us during this last month has deeply touched my heart and soul. Your undying faith has inspired me, strengthened me, even while I have been deeply saddened throughout this tragedy. Thank you for allowing us to see Nicole's beautiful pictures. It is so difficult to understand times like this in life, especially when young souls depart. You have taught me and brought me much while you were all suffering at her bedside. Thank you for all your letters, for allowing us to share your hopes, to send our prayers, as well as feel your fears, and deep grief. Although you are behind this screen, my sympathetic heart, and prayers have been, and will continue to be with you. God Bless you all, and may He hold your Angels, Nicole and baby Robert forever in his loving arms. ♥
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