Today was long, and heart wrenching..family filed in and out, our Msgr, priests and sr.Marie came...tears were shed all day. A day of disbelief, a day of great sorrow. A day of pain like I never felt in my life. The thought of never having another conversation with Nicole is more than heart breaking. Not to see those beautiful brown eyes or that bright smile is enough to make you not want to live. Mothers should not bury children. In my life things were different than most moms. I knew my child had a disease that could take her from me at anytime. But even knowing that I was never prepared for this level of pain felt not only by me but by those who knew her and knew of her. This prayer chain has changed lives in support of her. I want to make sure you continue this journey for her. She was an angel who walked among us, I will never know why God chose me to be her mommy, but I will be forever grateful for the gift she was. She silently picked up her cross with dignity and grace. She never once in her life complained about her disease and the many trials her life took. Instead she loved life. She taught me love and compassion, patience and most importantly Faith. Faith that was real...not something we say and don't mean. I need you to have that same faith now for her. It is a faith that she and her son are cradled in Gods loving hands...and her time here on this planet much to brief, was to teach us all the lesson. Love unconditionally and with your whole heart, trust in God's plan for your life. Stop trying to steer, let God take the wheel...he always knows what is best. It will be revealed to us one day why Nicole and Robert Louis came to us. But I do believe with my whole heart we walked with an angel.
I ask tonight for continued prayers for my family to have strength,but most importantly Robert her husband. He lost so much, his whole family was gone in a blink... dreams shattered. His life is the life I will focus on now. He needs us to hold him up. Please continue to pray for each other also....this one defies all reason. But God's plan is not our plan...and so we trust the will of the Father. Count your blessing everyday every hour, every minute. You will never know when the hour is near and all could be lost.
It is with love and gratitude i say goodnight, though I will not sleep. God Bless You All
some responses from my e-mail:
With Deepest Sympathy and Lots of Prayers and Love ... our tears mingle with yours, our hearts ache with yours May God Bless and Comfort You
Please accept my heartfelt and deepest sympathy for the loss of Nicole and Robert. Thank God their Immortal Souls will exist throughout eternity. As I sit here trying to type, the tears in my eyes are blurring the print. God bless you all!
At 2:00 a.m. I popped up from sleep and realized that this was real and not a nightmare. Anxiety immediately came over my body for the realization that she is no longer here with us. I remembered
that I wrote to you before I fell asleep. I read your amazing letter. I cried and sobbed as I read it.
If I could be one tenth of the person that you are I would be so much better for it. So many of
my friends look to you as their inspiration as do I. I got texts, calls, emails about you and
what an incredible mother and person you are and I couldn't agree more. People that didn't know
our angel, not only came to love her but fell in love with you as well.
I don't know how to say this but despite all the heartache that is at the core of this letter it is never the less simply perfect and utterly beautiful. Such clarity and strength is truly inspiring. Even though I didn't know it,
I needed to hear what she had to say. I know her need to communicate her feelings must be an enormous outlet at this difficult time but it's doing a lot more than that. She's a smart and sensitive teacher. We can all learn from her perspective.
In falling truly deeply in love, in becoming a wife and mother, in having you, your family and all of us in her life and in the way she enjoyed everything she did, despite her illness, Nicole had more happiness in her 27 years than many people who are in there 80s or 90s ever could. That is because she was special. A special angel. Her fate was to live a condensed life but a life filed with love and happiness despite the struggles of her health.
I will cherish her always in my heart and carry her with me everywhere I go.
Thank you for giving me one of the biggest gifts of my life.
There are some things, no matter how prepared we are, that we should never have to endure. I know your faith and the love and support you have WILL get you through this darkest time but it doesn't make it any less devistating and sad. I know that you will put all your energy to great use, but mourn and grieve you must. In my heart I believe that knowing Nicole will never know suffering again, is your comfort as a mom. Also your heart knows she would want to be with her son. Maybe that's why she never woke up. Maybe that was her gift from God. Maybe those were her prayers. I have no answers but lots of thoughts....
I promise you that your messages have been heard far and wide and the whole world is more loving and grateful as a result of those messages.
One day at a time Debbie. One hour at a time. One minute at a time.
Breathe because Nicole would never want anyone, let alone you, to struggle to breathe. God blessed you with her because he knew she deserved the best, most loving, caring, beautiful in every way, Mom, so he picked YOU. Tina ( and of course Robert!) probably need that beautiful mom now, more than ever. THAT is every reason to carry on. Your work on this earth is still plentiful. In sympathy..through tears..with love
Debbie....you can never know how Nicole and your words have touched me and helped me from a dark place in my own life....helped me to pray again...helped me to forgive. God has always spoken to me....and He and I were so far apart until I heard him in many of your words. I pray that you and Louis and Tina and the family and Robert find peace. Know that god still holds you in his merciful hands and that you are never alone.
Iam sitting here crying, feeling helpless I can only try to imagine how you feel. Nicole was truly one of GODS greatest most amazing angels to have such an impact on so many. My heart and prayers goes out to all of you. God Bless you all
You don't know me, I'm one of the many who respond to this prayer group. I just feel compelled as I am sure so many others of this group, to reach out to you in this moment when your heart has been broken, to share in the sorrow of your loss. I don't wish to say the wrong thing or be misunderstood, but the Lord will surely have a special place for you with your angels for the faith and belief you have shown in your devotion to the Holy Spirit. You have touched a lot of people in your desperate fight to save your loved ones. No one knows what the future holds but I shall offer a special prayer for you and the faith that you have displayed during this most difficult time in your life. God bless you.
I have no words today as I write this email. My heart is so heavy. I am thinking of you and praying for strength.
The past few weeks have been the hardest weeks for Mike and I, but your emails and prayers each night kept us going. I wish more than anything to have Nicole back, but we all know she has gone to a higher place. I believe that when people leave us they become angels, but Nicole was an angel and has gone on to be so much more. What that is, I am not sure but one day we will all know. I have been looking back on the past 20 or so years Nicole and I knew each other. There are so many memories and I will always cherish every moment. I was blessed to be her friend and to know her.
On this feast of the Archangels God has sent his host of heavenly beings to bring Nicole Pisani to Himself and to unite her with her infant son. Repeatedly Debbie has entrusted her daughter to God's loving and wise will. Last night, God received Lou and Debbie's daughter, accepting their trust in Him as He freed Nicole from her suffering and separation from her firstborn son. Being a mother was Nicole's great joy. Now God has given her eternal joy with her son. Faith does not free us from our humanity, from the pain of parents who must let go of their child. Nature never intended for parents to have to bury their child. It is with pierced hearts that Lou and Debbie make this sacrifice of love, giving back to God the gift that He first gave them, their daughter Nicole and their grandson. We join with the Pisani family in their deep, unwavering faith vesseled in their very human pain, as they lift up their daughter and grandson. No faith, no love, is greater than this offering, so like Abraham's, of that which is most precious. We are never more like God the Father and His Son, Jesus, than when we make an offering of that which is most precious. God has received this offering of love. May God's return of "love for love" sustain Nicole's family, her husband and their many friends. We thank God for this family's witness of the Catholic faith in all its depth and fullness. We have all been transformed by this faith-filled suffering and love. May Nicole and Robert Louis rest in peace surrounded by the angels whose feast we celebrate today.
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