September 24, 2011

Dear Family and Friends,
Today and tonight was one of those days when you feel alone in the 
garden, you cry out to the Lord, where are you? As the mother you try 
and contain the pain of your heart, you try and show strength when 
there is almost none left and when you feel completely overwhelmed by 
this grief you turn to the cross. You understand how Mary felt looking 
at her son, you realize the sacrifice that was given for our souls and 
you gain strength. We are meant to have suffering here and when we 
do... we give it up to Jesus. I had to turn to him many times today. 
Nicole for the last two days has been unresponsive,
I went there today as I said I would last night, with positive energy 
and strength gained from all of you to get Nicole back in the fight. 
What I saw was my beautiful angel limp, eyes closed, no response..all 
day getting worse. The oxygen and carbon dioxide exchange was not good. 
She was laboring in her breathing and the carbon dioxide levels were 
dangerously high. When we went in they were in the 70s, it has to be 
between 50 and 60 to remove the vent. Tonight it went up to 
90...concerned about brain damage...how can this be? Spoke with the 
Doctors and asked why aren't we treating her Cystic Fibrosis? She needs 
the meds she usually takes...Dr's don't always listen to parents (they 
should) Lou insisted give her the meds. After one dose they were able 
to suction secretions blocking her airways, carbon dioxide levels 
dropped down to 70s again. Praise God!
We were sure we were spending the night in the chairs again Respiratory 
  told us to go home and rest. Rest is a word I have heard a  lot but 
unable to do. But I did feel better knowing they were making some 
progress.
Why do I tell you all the intimate details of our day, Nicole's 
suffering, our pain? Because I will not let my daughter, who I adore, 
suffer this way for no reason. Good must come from this suffering for 
all of us. The good is our FAITH, our HOPE, Our Trust In GOD. If I ,as 
her mother ,can find this peace through prayer so should all of you. No 
one can be feeling what I am feeling and yet, I love and I trust in 
God's plan, in his mercy. She is cradled in his arms, safe..no matter 
what happens. it is his will. He blessed me with this angel on borrowed 
time, I always knew that. And you my dearest family and friends need to 
know that too. We all take to much for granted, putting off the things 
that are most important. GOD comes first, heal your wounds, heal your 
own broken hearts, turn the cheek on the one who hurts you. Our father 
in Heaven knows what we do, and your reward in heaven will be great.
For some of you on this mailing list, you may not want to hear about 
the spiritual healing taking place because of Nicole, i will take you 
off if you let me know. But rest assured she is nothing less than a 
Miracle. Last week I thought I would be burying my daughter, and still 
we have hope.
Do not give up, do not stop praying, get your life in order and put God 
at the top of your list. We are asking for so much, give him thanks and 
praise for all we have and the blessings we have shared through 
Nicole's suffering. We will never stop thanking you for all your 
prayers, strength, cards, food, words of healing. We need you and we 
need you to continue. This road can not be walked alone. God Bless you 
All and all you have touched through your prayers. Stop and think for 
one moment how she has changed your life. Let it be for the good of  
God.
With Our Love, Deb, Lou, Tina, Nicole, Robert and  Robert Louis our 
angel.

Some of the responses to my e-mails:

Hi Debbie, I can only imagine the pain you are all enduring.  As a mother, I 
know you want to take the pain away from Nicole.  I just wrote Joyce, that my 
mother was on the vent for 4 months and she was able to be weaned off of it - so 
have hope (hopefully it will be soon for Nicole).  I just want you to know that 
I have Nicole and all of you in my prayers.  You are all constantly on my mind.  
If there is anything you need, please, please just ask.  I keep thinking if I 
find the right prayer everything will be okay, but as we know it is in the hands 
of our gracious Father.  I pray-fully hope, he will hear our prayers and grant 
Nicole a recovery.  God Bless.

I haven’t had a chance to collect my thoughts until now. From the first day of Nicole being in the hospital until now I just am at a loss of what I can do. I don’t think anyone and sometimes ourselves can understand the bond we share. I know there is no other love than that of what you share with your children, that’s not our bond. Its just different. Maybe I’m crazy and everyone else who is in your life feels the same way. It just must be you and anyone who knows you just falls in love with you, family, friends, strangers. You have been a rock for anyone who needs a shoulder to cry on, a hug of happiness, a kiss of love it goes on, who wouldn’t love you? So know that I and everyone who knows you is here for support

I was at peace knowing you were surrounded with Fr Tom, Fr Justin, and Warren and Elizabeth strength in the power of prayer....Draw from all their strength. 

It's 10:50 p.m.  I have been waiting for your email.  I was so worried all day and thinking and

praying constantly.  Deb, I wonder what our angel must be thinking.  I wonder how much she

is taking in. 

Everyone on this end is being so good too.  If they don't get update, they randomly email me

and say, "what is going on with Nicole today, how is she?"  most of them don't know her, only

 through me.