Did will leave all stones unturned? Yes we did, we did everything we could to save Nicole and Robert Louis. So why did we feel so restless? I think part of this feeling is the natural grieving process..part of it you can not deny... your heart is broken.
We had family, Msgr, and Father Tom stop by to check on us...always a comfort. But I think I had much more going on today. So much about the future that would dramatically change. I will have to pray harder when days like this rule my brain. My heart must lead me to the place of my greatest peace....prayer....there is nothing like it. Nothing can take its place, speaking to God with an open heart is the only true healing of this magnitude. Tomorrow I will try harder, I will pray harder, I will lead by example of my words. I was distracted today by wondering...I read the return e-mails tonight that you have sent me, and I began to get my strength back. You have no idea how you inspire me to continue this journey. each of you plays a role in the healing process, each of your encouraging words helps to heal my broken heart.
My focus turns to my blessings. My blessings that were given to me by my God alone. A gift to be the mother of an Angel on earth. I am humbled beyond words. Rest should come upon me tonight, for I have a circle of prayers that surround me.
Thank you and God Bless you for including my family in your lives.
responses to my e-mail:
Debbie,
I can’t tell you how much this has all touched me. I can’t tell you enough how much you amaze and inspire me. Your faith, the faith that Nicole helped to give you. The faith that she strengthened in you throughout her life, just means so much to me. My faith waivers back and forth every day, every week. But then I listen to you. Since the first time I went to talk to you at your house and through these past few weeks. You give and show me so much, and give me something to look forward to. Faith is not an easy thing for me, never was. I accept that it’s never going to be easy. But, because of you and all you’ve learned from your life and Nicole’s life give me such reason to keep trying. I’ve lived 43 years and I’ve never met or known someone to inspire my faith before. No one has ever affected my life the way you have. There are many times I want to run away from it all because, like I said, it’s not easy. But then I think of you and I think of all you have shown and taught me the last several months and I feel foolish to think that way. I’ve had that thought it as recent as this morning, but then I read this email again. It brought tears to my eyes and you inspired me yet again and reminded me why I need to continue on. You have been through so much this past month and have gone through something that every parent fears, which is losing a child. I feel your pain when I read your emails, but I’m know that I can’t feel it the way you feel it. Through all that you have had to endure you still have your faith and you still care so much about others. That to me is more than amazing and is a miracle in my eyes. I feel so lucky to know you and to call you a friend. Dear Debbie. This morning when I said my usual prayers for the ill, I immediately began to ask for a cure for Nicole as this was a prayer I have prayed for years; and of course I realized that now my prayer has to be to her for I truly believe if she is not a saint than an angel. I was also thinking this morning how painful it was to hear you and Tina crying. I kept thinking how many tears do they have - for those we love it is never enough. I guess the family bond is even stronger than we know. I will continue to pray for all of you. One of my friends told me at Mass this morning that one of her friends lives at West Point and in her church they were praying for Robert. I wish you could send out his poem. Darren told him he should publish it. I think we have all grown closer to God in this experience - even if we do not understand. Please keep me in mind for any prayer group that you come up with. As I told you, you have been an inspiration to others and I admire, respect and love you. You should also continue to write either through these notes or a book as I think many would benefit from your experience, your unwavering faith and strength.
Every morning I come downstairs alone and go to my computer to see if there's an e-mail from you yet. I can't tell you how much your encouraging words mean to me and help me, especially these past few weeks. I wish I could do for you and your family what you do for me. Nicole will always be in my heart and so will Robert Louis. I pray for you, Lou, Tina and Robert and hope that God gives you all the strength to go forward. Not only were you lucky to be Nicole's mom, dad, sister and husband, but Nicole was blessed to have all of you here on earth with her and she knew she was truly loved.
My dear sweet cousins,
I have no words...but know that I feel your pain down to my soul. Your strength and your grace and above all your faith has been humbling and an inspiration. I know that now, the hardest days come....the time when everyone else goes back to their lives...but you can't. I have had that with all of Darren's deployments and after my Dad's death. Please know that I will keep you all in my heart...just because there is distance does not change the fact that you are my family and I love you all and think of you often....with or without a tragedy. I will keep you in my prayers....and thank you because I can pray again. I do believe that there is always a lesson to be learned...it is God's way of teaching us while still allowing us the greatest gift of free will. It is not to always have an answer to to have things work out as we would like because it is so much bigger than us. I believe that there were and are so many lessons in this and I do believe that God was speaking through you and Nicole. There will be many moments when that is difficult to take as comfort because we are human, but it will also remind you that you are never alone...God will never leave you, Nicole and Robert Louis will never leave you because love...NEVER dies.
Dearest Debbie, Lou, Robert, Tina and Tom,
When HOPE is lost all we have is prayer. Over the years I have prayed for a miracle, a cure, a way to remove Nicole's cross. One day I was watching a game show - not my normal TV desire. There was a contestant who just a year earlier had a lung transplant and again I took that as a sign for Nicole. The excitement welled up inside me and the renewed hope for Nicole made me happy. My mind would always think "No child should have to go through this" or "No parent should have to live like this" and when it did, I would pray harder. Pray for a cure, pray for emotional strength for you, Nicole and your family. And yet, I always lived in HOPE.
Now I need to live in FAITH. Through the prayer chain Nicole has created, my FAITH in GOD has been renewed. It does not mean I don't mourn it just means I am not in control. FAITH that our "collective" prayers will create a "shift" in what is and what could be - God permitting. One of my favorite childhood stories was Our Lady of Fatima - she went to the children and told them to say the Rosary. Over the years it has been scientifically proven that they saw her and from the day I learned of this story I believed that saying the Rosary can change the world. My Hope is to be a part of a larger prayer chain that changes the world and rids it of disease so that no man need suffer the way (Nicole did) and Robert, Debbie, Louis, Tina are suffering. So many times you said "get down on your knees". I am on my knees now praying for you.
Deb, we continue to wonder at your words and the depth of your spirituality which you and Louis constantly reveal to us. You are truly blessed with the presence of God in your lives. Remain in His love and continue to trust in Him and His dear mother Mary,and all this pain will one day ease and you will be left with all your beautiful memories of your dear Nicole. You are a blessed couple. We thank God for the privilege of being called 'friend'. We are here for you, any time you need us. Love you both.
Hi Debbie, Lou, and Tina,
Just wanted to check in on you guys and let you know you are in our thoughts all the time.
I am so sorry and cannot imagine the pain you guys are in. The faith of knowing where Nicole and Robert Louis are now is the greatest power in helping to heal and understand.
Please let us know if you need anything.
Just a few words to let you know that I think of you and your family every day. You are in my daily prayers and I admire your perseverance. You are an incredible woman Debbie. Stay as beautiful as you are... May God be with you always.
You are such an inspiration, you have no idea, and you do need to keep going, for Nicole, and all of us. I talk to your angel, Nicole, all the time. I pray and ask her to help you all through this and I pray to her for myself, as well, because I believe she truly was/is a gift to this earth and her message has been heard. I also asked Nicole, for a favor. I had a miscarriage years ago, and I asked if my baby is there with her, that she could be "mommy" to him or her for me until I can be there. I believe she will.
Everyone in this world experiences a time of great pain and/or loss at some point or another, but you Debbie, have been chosen and you are meant to do what you are doing. You are in inspiration beyond words. You have, and are, experiencing such a tremendous loss- your child, your grandchild. One can only imagine the pain, especially anyone who is blessed with children. But inspite of your pain, you keep loving! you keep sharing, and we all feel your love.
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